I haven't written anything on this blog for such a very long time. It's high time I did....

Lately there seems to be some real commotion about my license plates that read "DADMTRS" (Dad matters). Apparently a few small-minded people have a problem with that.

-A little bit about the plates. I learned from my attorney about this phenomenon that divorced dads (non-custodial) often deal with. It doesn't have a name that I know of. Let's call it "Papa-swapping". Here's how it works: The ex-wife gets re-married, and simply cannot find a way to stick around so that the children can enjoy their legal right to time with their father. She moves, has a kid or two, and "re-builds" her little family. The biological father is magically replaced by a step-dad whether he has any experience with children or not, or whether the children even like him. In her mind, all the ugliness of the past is now hidden from the world now that she has a "normal" family with two parents in the home. She is oblivious to the fact that 3/4 of the kids in her "perfect little family" look absolutely nothing like her husband, and will do all she can to perpetuate the image of the perfect home. Surely no one will ever know that she is divorced. -No tainted image here! The real father of the first 3 children is now a faint memory and she likes it that way. She is reminded of his existence only when the child support checks arrive with his name listed there as the payer.

Oddly enough, she seems to feel no responsibility to help the kids spend time with their REAL father.....she doesn't see a need, since they are already part of her perfect, imaginary world. All she needs from him is his money, although she has no mortgage or any other bills of real significance, so it pretty much just adds to her lifestyle.

Now back to the license plates. "DADMTRS" is a message to all of the ex-wives in the world who play the game I just described. Try as you might, you can't erase dad. Children need their father in their lives and in huge quantities. He is more than a paycheck. He is their teacher, role model, guide, support, friend and so many other things which are too many to mention. Most of all he is their loving father. A father is irreplaceable, and everyone realizes it but mom. He can't simply be irradicated from the children's lives. You might see yourself as the wonderwoman of moms......dad still matters.

Let's talk about the people who apparently don't think this particular father has any right to "DADMTRS" license plates. Why do they feel this way? I'm imperfect! I've made mistakes, and I have to pay. My inability to see my children is exactly what I have coming to me and by damn I'm gonna get it! The really interesting thing about this is that although I have gone forward as best I can since my divorce, these people simply can't move beyond what happened. 4 years later I am still seen as some horrible person. How dare I try to be a parent?! Surely I'm not deserving of those kids! Everyone knows that nurturing moms will fill in nicely and that dad better just go away. Well, this dad will NOT go away. I will continue to push for my kids' legal right to spend time with me without the help of my ex-wife. I will keep doing all I can to be the best dad I can be. I'll always pay my child support because I love my kids and I WANT the responsibility of providing for them.

The past is gone...let's learn from it. The present is here...let's live in it. The future is coming...let's prepare for it. And let's stop dredging up the past in vain efforts to embarrass these precious children's father and get busy with the matter at hand, which is raising happy, healthy, productive children.

-Todd
P.s. the plates stay.