My Life Has Changed Forever

We all know there are events that change our lives forever.  There are positive events and there are negative events.  Well, for me on June 30, 2012 my life changed forever in an extremely negative way.  It was a Saturday morning and I had just sent a text to my sister asking her if she had plans for the day when just a few minutes later I get a phone call from my mom's phone.  I said "Hello" but could only hear that someone was there so I thought they didn't hear me.  I said "Hello" again and then I heard my dad's voice.  He was frantic and crying.  I said "Dad? What's going on!?"  He could barely talk and in Spanish said "I think he is dead! He isn't responding!  I think Chico is dead!"  I said "Dad!  Call 911!" My dad was just whaling.  I said "Dad, I'm gonna hang up and I'm gonna call 911!"  I hang up the phone and begin to dial 911, as I am waiting for someone to pick up I opened the door to the garage to get Todd.  I managed to call his name and that is when the dispatcher answered.  I could barely breath and could barely get out the words I need to say let alone try and remember addresses and phone numbers.  After I got off the phone Todd asked me what had happened.  I just started to freak out and I told him what my Dad had told me.  So he took me over to my parents and thank goodness Todd's two older kids were visiting us.  Our two little ones stayed home with them while we drove to my parent's house which is only minutes away.  When we got there the ambulance and police were already there.  So Todd sees the EMT and asked "Is he in there?" and the EMT could only shake his head.  We go in the house and I see an officer and I said "Is he gone!?"  I could tell the officer didn't want to be the one to tell me but he looks at me and he nods his head slightly.  I see my dad on the couch and he is just crying and my aunt was there as well and she was standing up so I went straight to her and I was just screaming "NO!!!" In Spanish I said "It can't be!" over and over again as my aunt is holding me up.

It was my brother.....my dad and aunt had found him unresponsive in his bedroom.  To describe the absolute devastation I felt is impossible.  The fact that I was 30 weeks pregnant at the time made it even harder to just want to run away screaming and have a total melt down.  During all of this chaos my mom and sister weren't home.  I had to call some family friends to come over because there was no way I could handle it all.  I had them call an elder from our congregation to come over and help out my dad.  They were over within what seemed to be seconds.  I was so glad that I called our friends because they were right there for us making sure we weren't going to just straight pass out.

One of the officers that was there had told me they had to treat it as a homicide since it was an unattended death.  They had to seal up the area and bring in an investigator so we had to wait there knowing that my brother was just in his room deceased.

Todd had to call my sister and tell her the news because he didn't want them to come home and have to see all the chaos going on outside.  He said it was the hardest thing he had to do.  It seemed like an eternity for them to come home and when they finally did I saw them out the window and our friends were out there to meet them.  I went out there and hugged my sister and my mom somehow had already gotten in the house to see my dad.  When I went back in there I hugged my mom and just cried and cried.  I really had to control myself because I was worried about going into preterm labor.

I think hours had gone by when they finally finished the investigation and came and told us that they were going to remove my brother.  We all had to leave the living room because they had to bring him upstairs.  I had a freak out and I just kept saying in Spanish "they are going to remove him" over and over and I just started crying frantically and I thought I was going to hyperventilate.  I could feel my entire body just tense up and I even felt some lower abdominal cramping.  I could hear everything the EMT's and the ME were doing so I had to cover my ears.  That also seemed to take a long time.

When they finally removed him they just go straight into having to find a mortuary and make arrangements before you even have time to take a deep breath.  I know it is something that has to be done so the ME knows who to release the body to but it is just so morbid and matter of fact.  My mom recalled that my brother had said that if he ever died he didn't want a viewing and he that he wanted to be cremated.  So we honored those requests which now I am glad that he wanted that because I don't think I could have gone through with seeing him just lying in a casket without wanting to scream at him to wake up.

I feel worse for my dad and aunt who were the ones who found him....I know they will never get that image out of their heads.

My brother Juventino Tapia Jr. also known as "Tino", "JT", "Junior" and "Chico" leaves behind two little girls, Aubrianna "Aubri" age 4 and Ghislaine age 2. He also leaves behind his parents: Juventino Sr. and Guadalupe and two sisters: Flor and myself.  Also two nieces: Elena and Alexia and one nephew who he will not get to meet and just breaks my heart a little more.

It has been extremely hard and I sometimes have those days where I just break down.  Like last Saturday night I was in my bathroom closet just crying and all morning Sunday as well.  I was thinking about how most of my best memories are with my brother and then it just hit me....I am not going to have anymore with him. 

I have his cremains here at my house until my parents can have the strength to keep them at their house.  If that ever happens...

I would just like to thank everyone who was there for us and helped us in anyway possible.  It is good to know there are people in our lives who truly care.  If it weren't for them our minds would be completely lost.

It also helps knowing that we have a hope to see him again and he will look just as handsome as ever and he will be as happy as we are to see him again and he will also get to meet my baby boy and we will cherish that moment forever.  So for now we have to try and move forward and wait for that time to come.

I love you Junior and I miss you so much!  I have too many great memories and I feel that is just makes it so much harder.  I don't think there will be a time in my life when I won't shed tears for you.  I love you and I can't wait to see you again and start those memories over again.  So for now I say: To be continued.