I haven't written anything on this blog for such a very long time. It's high time I did....

Lately there seems to be some real commotion about my license plates that read "DADMTRS" (Dad matters). Apparently a few small-minded people have a problem with that.

-A little bit about the plates. I learned from my attorney about this phenomenon that divorced dads (non-custodial) often deal with. It doesn't have a name that I know of. Let's call it "Papa-swapping". Here's how it works: The ex-wife gets re-married, and simply cannot find a way to stick around so that the children can enjoy their legal right to time with their father. She moves, has a kid or two, and "re-builds" her little family. The biological father is magically replaced by a step-dad whether he has any experience with children or not, or whether the children even like him. In her mind, all the ugliness of the past is now hidden from the world now that she has a "normal" family with two parents in the home. She is oblivious to the fact that 3/4 of the kids in her "perfect little family" look absolutely nothing like her husband, and will do all she can to perpetuate the image of the perfect home. Surely no one will ever know that she is divorced. -No tainted image here! The real father of the first 3 children is now a faint memory and she likes it that way. She is reminded of his existence only when the child support checks arrive with his name listed there as the payer.

Oddly enough, she seems to feel no responsibility to help the kids spend time with their REAL father.....she doesn't see a need, since they are already part of her perfect, imaginary world. All she needs from him is his money, although she has no mortgage or any other bills of real significance, so it pretty much just adds to her lifestyle.

Now back to the license plates. "DADMTRS" is a message to all of the ex-wives in the world who play the game I just described. Try as you might, you can't erase dad. Children need their father in their lives and in huge quantities. He is more than a paycheck. He is their teacher, role model, guide, support, friend and so many other things which are too many to mention. Most of all he is their loving father. A father is irreplaceable, and everyone realizes it but mom. He can't simply be irradicated from the children's lives. You might see yourself as the wonderwoman of moms......dad still matters.

Let's talk about the people who apparently don't think this particular father has any right to "DADMTRS" license plates. Why do they feel this way? I'm imperfect! I've made mistakes, and I have to pay. My inability to see my children is exactly what I have coming to me and by damn I'm gonna get it! The really interesting thing about this is that although I have gone forward as best I can since my divorce, these people simply can't move beyond what happened. 4 years later I am still seen as some horrible person. How dare I try to be a parent?! Surely I'm not deserving of those kids! Everyone knows that nurturing moms will fill in nicely and that dad better just go away. Well, this dad will NOT go away. I will continue to push for my kids' legal right to spend time with me without the help of my ex-wife. I will keep doing all I can to be the best dad I can be. I'll always pay my child support because I love my kids and I WANT the responsibility of providing for them.

The past is gone...let's learn from it. The present is here...let's live in it. The future is coming...let's prepare for it. And let's stop dredging up the past in vain efforts to embarrass these precious children's father and get busy with the matter at hand, which is raising happy, healthy, productive children.

-Todd
P.s. the plates stay.

Dentist

Elena had her first dentist appointment last Monday and things went very well. Lately she just does not like brushing her teeth! At first she liked it so I don't know why she doesn't now....oh well it has to be done. They were really nice at the Doc's office and they had a lot of toys and the walls were all painted with animals and gardens, it was really cute. They even had a TV in the ceiling for the kids to be entertained but of course Elena didn't care too much about that. The assistant came in and was talking to Elena and showing her a big tooth brush to brush an Orangutan puppet's teeth. Elena was looking at it like "what is this?" (I have to admit it was a little freaky). So Elena got to brush its teeth but she wasn't too interested. Then they brought over this huge leopard octopus thing for whatever reason. Elena liked it because it was soft.Then the assistant showed Elena the tools they were going to use (as if Elena cared).
When the Dentist came in they worked quickly so it wasn't such a fight with her. Her teeth are healthy (I was worried) and she will go again in six month. Hopefully things will be great then too!

Gift

Last year for our anniversary my parents bought us a "sun god" decoration for our living room. I was so excited about it because I had been wanting to get one forever. The kind I like are the South Western type (I guess that is what they are called). When my parents showed up with this big box I had no idea what to expect.....so when I opened it up I was so surprised and not just because it was a "sun god" but because it was one I had never seen before. I don't like having the same decorations as other people (I know it makes me sound lame or whatever). The sad thing is that we barely put it up! Well Todd did and I just supervised...

Elena's Haircut

I finally decided Elena needed a professional haircut. Her hair was just getting way out of control and I felt like she had way too much and that it was way too hot to keep that way. So I took her to the All About You salon in Salem (where we usually go).Here she is getting all ready sitting in the booster chair. She thought it was weird to sit in there but probably because she didn't know what was going to happen while sitting in it.

She is still wondering what is happening and why she is wearing a big plastic type thing.

She is really not liking it at all now!

I thought she did very well she just whined a little but my sister was entertaining her. They didn't cut very much but her hair certainly looks a lot better.